How To: Be An Armchair Activist
- Sara Baron Goodman
- Dec 27, 2016
- 2 min read
Ok so 2016 was literally the worst, amirite? Judging by my Facebook newsfeed and every conversation I’ve had with anybody since last May, I feel confident in saying that we have all have a lot of ~feelings~ about the state of the world right now. Our generation is the future, and it’s time we do something about it! But also, it’s cold out, and Netflix is a thing that needs seeing to, and perception is half the battle right? Here are four ways that you can show the world that you care and are politically involved, without ever having to leave the soft cocoon of the duvet you haven’t washed in six months, or actually, you know, get involved.
1. Clean up your Facebook friend list
In 2017 we’re all about eliminating toxic relationships from our lives, and what’s more toxic than being plagued with a barrage of social media updates from old high school acquaintances with whom you disagree politically? Announce to the world (aka your 400-odd Facebook friends) that you’re a proud socialist-Bernie-supporting-remain-voting-tree-hugging-free-loving-leftie who would in theory go to some rallies one day if they weren’t always so early in the morning, by curating a niche circle of social media friends who share your exact same views. Life’s too short to have to read your racist uncle’s tweets—you don’t need that kind of negativity.
2. Sharing is caring
Once you’ve strategically silenced all the voices of the people who represent ideologies different to your own, reinforce your opinions to the people who already agree with you by exclusively sharing and liking posts from pages such as The New York Times, The Guardian, and Jezebel. if you’re feeling really bold, you can even emphatically “dislike” Breitbart News or post a sassy gif in response to a discussion thread about the “alt-right”—that’ll show ’em!
3. Purchase slogan apparel
Who needs to volunteer with refugees or donate to End World Hunger when you can show your support with fashion? What we wear sends signals to others about who we are and what subcultures we subscribe to, so wearing an “I’m With Her” t-shirt is basically worth the same as a vote would have been. We know you would donate to charity if you had the extra income, but your minimum-wage job as a barista doesn’t even make that many tips, so be sure to invest what little money you have wisely, and by that we mean by buying a “I <3 EU” hoodie for your next #ootd Instagram post.
4. Learn Lilohan
You’ve always wanted to take up another language, and now’s the perfect time to start! Instead of making an effort to befriend or advocate for people from other cultures/races/ethnicities, show your theoretical support for ALL HUMANKIND by following in Lindsay Lohan’s lead and adopting an eccentric accent which blends the dialects of all the places you’ve ever been and people you’ve ever met! Bonus is that you’ll get a reputation as super quirky, as well as worldly and concerned with social justice issues.
Just follow these four easy steps are you'll be on your way to seeming totally woke in no time!